SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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