my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
