I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
