Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I need moral support for this bender
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
