Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
