Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
