so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
