what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
