i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
