highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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