I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
