Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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