The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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