Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
