So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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