Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
its liver damage thursday
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