my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
