So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
