You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
