Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
