I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
