Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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