I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
