And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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