I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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