The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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