so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
