I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
