Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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