office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
