I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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