Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
After tacos, we're chasing women.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
