haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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