imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Alive.
So much puke
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
