I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
