yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
