Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
