you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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