I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
