she woke up with a sticky ear
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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