They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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