my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
