if i can run in heels then i can drive
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
