I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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