i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
