And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Do you still have your period?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
