I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
we're making bets on your personal life
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
