So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
