Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
