Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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