why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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