Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
