It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
