is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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