I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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