Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
