The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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